Change

I've been absent since my date with half naked gay men in Atlanta, and, because I know you were left with a void that not even vodka could fill, I came back.

I'll pause while you rejoice and send in the clowns.

Last week I had the pleasure of forcing myself to leave the lustful arms of my wanton bed and go to an Outspoken! seminar being offered at my shiny new campus. I'm glad I chose abstinence for the day - Jennifer Baumgardner was amazing.

She discussed very intimate details concerning her life as a woman that happens to be bisexual, including discovering who she was and her first experience with a gay woman - an experience that earned an exuberant "gay people rally are better at this stuff." And by "this stuff," you're old enough to know that I mean orgasms.

Not a bad perk, eh [insert elbow nudge here].

In all seriousness, the highlight of my night was when she said, "A movement based on love is eventually going to defeat a movement based on hate."

I just thought I'd share that with you. I can't do an "it gets better" video, but I can share with you my thoughts on the subject.

I hate that we live in a country that likes to trot out its freedoms and unceasingly remind any American that speaks out against, well, anything how lucky they should be to even be here. I hate that I live within the confines of society that has created an environment where gay bashing/bullying is acceptable. Our leaders (politicians or otherwise) have created this situation by the mere fact that they continue to express how "wrong" it is to not like a member of the opposite sex.

Regardless of how you feel about the subject of being gay, you have to recognize that a community that is based on discrimination and hate is wrong. You have to recognize that when teens are killing themselves due, in part, to gay bullying that something has to change.

Teach your kids tolerance of people that don't look, act or think like them. Teach yourselves that the world isn't going to fit into your narrow worldview. Speak out against hate when you can and however you can. But don't just sit back and do nothing while the hateful create a world that goes against the basic tenets of love and acceptance.

We can all change the world if we first change ourselves.

Would you like a bit of fairy dust with that?

The beach gods thwarted Mr. Discovery's and my attempts to make it to Mexico this weekend. So, as a consolation prize, we went to Atlanta instead. I thought, we'll dine, we'll drink and we'll...well - there's really nothing that can top drankin now is there?

So, we saddled up the horse, and made haste toward Hot-lanta. Sunday morning, I wanted brunch. I wanted waffles. And not just anybody's waffles - Gladys Knight's waffles.

I waited an hour for them.

It was not worth it.

But, it was worth this

And this

And this

I must say that this 

made me tear up a little. 

Because I braved the 1 hour wait time at Gladys Knight's (cold and tasteless) chicken and waffles, I got to see this year's Atlanta Gay Pride Parade. It was my first parade, my first gay pride event, and my first time seeing a drag queen in person. It's fitting that I lost all those virginities on the Lord's day. I'm sure He's happy that my world is  now complete. 

I thought it beautiful to see so many men and women, straight, gay, lesbian, out and proud - supporting their community and supporting the people they love. Members of the armed forces marched in uniform. As a recovering Air Force brat, that makes me happier than I can ever hope to articulate. 

To see churches out supporting the unions, nay, the marriages of people who love each other restores my faith in religion a tiny bit. Notice that I did not say "restores my faith in God." My faith tells me that God and Jesus love and loved without exclusivity. Heathen that I am, sinner that I am, I find solace in that.

I must say that my experience at Ms. Knight's restaurant was further sullied by the behavior of the gentleman that brought us our food. Seeing that I was enjoying watching the parade from the window (I'd even switched seats with ye olde balle and chain to get a better glimpse) his entire demeanor changed. He all but slammed my food down in front of me. And according to eye witness testimony from one Mr. Y.E.O Chain, he could be heard saying "so fucking sad," presumably in reference to the LGBT community marching within his field of vision.

If we put half the energy we dedicate into hating those that are not exactly like us into creating a world of peace, acceptance and love - just imagine the sort of world we'd have.

I wonder how that young gentleman would feel if he were somehow transported back to the 1960's and had white men and women saying the same things and expressing the same distaste if he were marching down the street, fist in the air proclaiming his own pride in being both beautiful and black. I wonder...

As a black woman I can't fathom hating someone for something as simple as who they are attracted to. First, I've got more important things to do - like live my own f*cking life - than worry about what goes on in another person's bed. (Unless that other person's bed involves Mr. Y.E.O Chain. Then we've got WWIII on our hands. But, I digress). Second, I'm too aware of my own history, and how it is deeply mired in the struggles my people endured to simply be recognized as intelligent human beings deserving of a world that, if not accepting of them as a people, accepted their right to social, political, educational and occupational equality.

Hmmm...now that sounds familiar.

Seeing what I saw this weekend made me realize that I talk a "whole lotta shit" as the saying goes. So, I'm planning to offer whatever I can to the local LGBT cause to fight North Carolina's attempts to prevent marriage equality within this state.

I leave you with this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RnyRF9uqSmQ

Happy Coming Out Day everybody!

I had a baby...

And its name is English.

Dear God I never realized how much college was like having a baby.

It cuts into your sleep (1-3 naptime included).

It sucks up ALL of your money.

It makes you wonder why it was ever a good idea.

And you often consider giving it up for adoption.

Closed adoption.

BUT! I daresay I love it. I've been so busy that I didn't hear Herman Cain say that African-American voters are all brainwashed. Which also means that I didn't say that he's a complete ass for implying that we colored folks (please note sarcasm) are somehow incapable of thinking for ourselves - someone must have planted all of these ideas about equal rights, healthcare for all, fair taxes, etc., in our heads. Because the only way to believe in such "socialist" ideals is to be brainwashed. And obviously, rejecting Republican politicians means that we are close minded. We clearly live in a world where being republican and open mindedness go hand in hand.

Nope. I didn't say that at all.

I've also been too busy to notice how the media (much to the conservative right's glee) pounced all over the Chris Christie (non)ordeal. While the world was so focused on this man's (nonexistent) potential presidential run, the republican's were doing....Oh, wait... We don't know because everyone needed Mr. Christie to say for the hundredth time that he would not be running for president.

Nope. Didn't notice that at all.

I didn't notice North Carolina's decision to put the gay marriage amendment to the state constitution to vote in 2012. I also didn't say that it'll be a cold day in hell before NC gets any more of my tax dollars if that amendment passes.

Nope. Not at all.

Suffice it to say that I've been living in a bubble, content to ignore the world for a time as it falls apart around me.

Smells like Noob spirit.

I never get used to the sweaty palm, NASCAR heart, gut clenching anxiety that the first day of school solicits. Especially when I’m the new kid in a sea of veteran “scholars.” Their faces scream “NOOB!” when I walk past.


While dwelling on these thoughts I realize…I’m lost. Shit.

Do I ask the prestige level veteran “scholar” or do I take out the dreaded map?

Neither. I wander around, walking into and out of building after building in the molten swamp that is NC weather.

Hot. Cold. Hot. Cold. Sweaty. Less Sweaty. Sweaty….

Finally, I give up and with campus map in hand I seize a fellow soldier...soldiering on through the warzone. “For the love of God man! Tell me where the dwelling known as Denny should….dwell…”

He points. “Go left.” And with a hook of his finger “left again.”

I make it without dying. I’m the first person in the room. I find a seat in the corner, afraid that my Christopher Columbus routine has caused me to smell of perspiration.

Sigh.

Just another day as the new kid.

Remember: it's very important to button your pants

I know you all have been anxiously checking your phones, inboxes and Facebook pages – eagerly awaiting the arrival of the blog detailing my adventures as a newly minted member of the work force.  Brace yourselves people – you are about to delve into the vast depths of a brilliant, nearly mind shattering…mind

I give you: Newly Minted Member of the Work Force takes on office orientation module day!

9:05 – What!? The radio doesn’t work? What the f*ck am I supposed to listen to now?

9:10 – Begins humming most awesome theme song of all time – dum dum dum dum dadum dum dadum. [An octave higher now] dum dum dum dum dadum dum dadum. (There, now you’ll have it stuck in your heads all day).

(And by the way, the song is linked here in case you didn't catch it)

9:12 – Mmmm…Chai tea. Very robust, indeed. Note to self: try green tea at lunch.

9:20 – Manager (who is perfecting her skills as a future assassin) scares the hell out of me by sneaking into my cube. 

9:21 – Note to self: if customer turns out to be wrong refer them to www.notalwaysright.com Lessons must be learned.

9:20 – Revelation! Office orientation modules always have pictures that follow the same recipe

1 person of color – black or Hispanic. Preferably female with curly hair to further ambiguity of race

1 Asian – male or female (most people think they all look alike anyway)

1 Nondescript brown person that draws the eye, forcing the viewer to ask him or herself – is he from the Middle East? Spain? Egypt? Did he just come back from a beach vacation?

1 -2 white people, usually (if not preferably) male. This does two things – ensures that women know they’ll never break the glass ceiling, while giving them some nice WASPy flesh to fixate upon.

Note; Any person of color should be smiling. It creates a feeling of familiarity and  rids the viewer of any initial feelings of distrust.

9:25 – I begin to fantasize about gouging out my eyes with a hot spoon thereby preventing further torture at the hands of the diabolical office module device.

9: 49 – Cicade flies into window. I briefly toy with the idea of pledging my immortal soul to one in exchange for his aid in my escape.

9:54 – Have my pants been unbuttoned this entire time?

10:00 – F*ck! It’s only 10!?

10:25 – Thanks to inconsiderate employees who congregate outside of my cubicle for their daily (and extensive) water cooler chats I learned that placing a Dixie cup over your newborn boys… ahem, manlihood, will thwart his nefarious plan of peeing on you as soon as the diaper comes off.

10:26 – I plot the demise of Water Kooler and the Gang.

12:47 – Finally receive work from sneaky manager.

2:15 – Random, nondescript, flour colored male walks over and introduces himself

2:24 – Tries to remember individuals name and figure out why he had such a funny look on his fa – OH MY GOD HAVE MY PANTS BEEN UNBUTTONED, IN PLAIN VIEW OF THE FREE WORLD, THIS ENTIRE FREAKING TIME!?

2:47 – Remembers to try green tea. Thoughts:

Holy Shit that’s green

Why is it so funky looking? Like split pea soup? Who the hell thought to split peas anyway? I guess the same person who thought of pulling on the dangly bits of a soy bean…..Wait, I was doing something.

2:48 – Tea finishes. I sniff it. Thoughts:

                That smells like wheat grass and ass.

                Ass grass.

                Wheaty ass grass – yep, that’s it.  

2:49 – I taste it anyway. Thoughts:

                Oh God. That tastes exactly how I imagined wheaty ass grass would taste!

2:49.5 – I add sugar (A tablespoon or ten). Taste. Thoughts:

                Oh sweet Lord, now it just tastes like sweet wheaty ass grass. People actually drink this shit?

2:53 – Douse mastication/consumption vessel in water.

3:34 – Taste green tea again. Why do I keep doing this to myself.

4:00 – Liberation of the weekend persuasion. 

Moral of this story, readers? Be careful with post lunch gestation liberation (otherwise known as the release of the post lunch food gut) and never, under any circumstances, should you ever drink green tea.