High on the sense of life

Okay.

I admit it.

I’ve started watching the news again. [Excuse me while attempt to give you the courtesy of looking ashamed]

I had the extreme pleasure of seeing Rick Santorum on CNN’s American Morning (click the "On TV" tab CNN doesn't link you to the video directly). He talked about jobs, creation of jobs, President Obama, and – of course – gay marriage.

I hated everything he had to say.

I don’t want to start with references to how he skirts direct questions and blames everything on President Obama – because all politicians do that.

I don’t want to start with his discriminatory views on marriage. Besides, I don’t think I could do it better than Dan Savage. And we all know that Rick Santorum doesn’t like gay people and doesn’t want them to have the same rights that we straighties have. (Even if he has pulled the infamous “some of my closest friends are gay” card. I think I’ve seen him hanging out with a few black people, too.)

I want to start with his take on job creation. Ugh. Job creation. It’s become a pop term. It’s like crack to the current presidential candidates. At a loss for what to say? Just sprinkle “job creation” liberally throughout your speech and everyone will be so high on the idea of a paycheck that they’ll forget that you’re a complete ass who has no idea how to run this country.

Luckily for me, I took some Benadryl this morning – it’s a special formula designed to block histamine and bullshit. I think I’m going to be pretty drowsy for the next few months.

Especially since Santorum supports a “0 rate tax” plan for business (more on that in a sec).

He feels that when the government “takes more and spends more the American people have less.”

How are we determine what “less” is? Sure, less money on my paycheck – I wholeheartedly agree. But let’s think about where that money goes – i.e what it’s spent on. It goes to social security, something we all benefit from. It goes to Medicare and Medicaid. It goes to repair the roads that I have to drive on. It goes to schools and the teachers in those schools. It goes to the men and women that have sworn to serve and protect, to preserve and fight for the fundamental rights that all Americans are granted. Oh, and those people with the water hoses that run into BURNING HOUSES to save lives.

I think I can give up a little extra in my paycheck for those services. Do you?

Santorum goes on to say that Obamacare should be repealed. That we should repeal the Sarbanes-Oxyley act (an act to protect American investors). That we should repeal “big chunks of Dodd-Frank,” (enacted to ensure consumer protection and greater accountability in big business). He further cites the EPA and FDA as being evidence of an “explosion of the regulatory process” on the part of the current administration. In short, he says there is TOO MUCH regulation and it’s encumbering business and its growth.

Whew. That was a mouthful. But, hold on to your butts, ladies and gentleman, we aren’t done yet.  Santorum’s answer to fueling job growth in this country is to, you guessed it, CUT TAXES.

I’ll pause while the masses rejoice.

He wants a 0% rate of taxation for corporations and individuals that manufacture in this country. What they’re manufacturing, I’m not sure.

Here’s my issue with this 0 rate taxation plan – well beyond the obvious ZERO FREAKIN DOLLARS IN TAXES. Job creation does not equate with job maintenance. What’s to stop these companies from opening a few manufacturing jobs on American soil, getting this tax break, and then firing these workers? I hope there’ll be a clause for that.

What’s to stop them from creating (for arguments sake) 5 manufacturing jobs in the US and 35 in India? Wouldn’t they still qualify for the break since they’ve indeed created American manufacturing jobs? Will there be a clause for this? Or is that too much Regulation for Santorum?

What’s to stop them from hiring American manufacturers, and firing American employees in a different sector only to ship jobs of said sector overseas? Sure, manufacturing jobs have been created – but other’s have been lost. AND this company still gets the tax break.

I’ll pause as the rejoicing ebbs.

Jobs have been created. Great. Incentives have been given to big business to create said jobs, great. But, our wonderful government has now lost out on a big chunk of tax revenue that would ordinarily (in a more perfect world) go toward bringing the budget deficit down. You’ve now lost out on money that’s used to fuel all of those wonderful programs I noted previously.

And, what’s possibly even more frightening – does this tax break apply to manufacturing companies or companies with manufacturing capabilities? For instance, companies that devote 100% of their time to manufacturing versus those that only devote 3% of their time to it.  Will they only apply the 0 rate of taxation to that 3% of earnings?

I guess it doesn’t truly matter since companies that bring in BILLIONS of dollars are getting away with paying 1.1% in taxes (in addition to gratuitous Capitol Hill ass kissing, and quite possibly corporate murder). Those programs I mentioned before aren’t being funded by these guys.

But wait, unfortunately there’s more.

When asked how he felt about putting tariffs on imported Chinese goods, for example, he said that it would increase costs for workers and that what we need to do is engender incentives. Okay – I agree with him on this point (SHOCK! SHAME!).

We all know that part of the issue of job creation in this country is demand. People aren’t spending because they aren’t working and big companies therefore cannot “afford” (as they say) to create more jobs. So, if we put tariffs on imported goods (especially those sorts of goods that can be (and are being) manufactured right here in the good old U.S. of A), the cost will go up and give American buyers an INCENTIVE to buy American products. Thereby fueling money into the economy and those businesses. Thereby giving said business the INCENTIVE to create more jobs.

I think I’m a little high on all the sense this is making.

Excuse me while I run off to locate some tasty treats.

Why hello, Jesus! Long time, no see.

My health (and quite possibly my immortal soul) dictates that I should not watch the news every morning.  It drives up my blood pressure, feeds my as yet undiscovered brain tumor, widens my gastric ulcer and makes my eye twitch – rapidly. Also, my anger as a result of watching the news scares my boyfriend.

Because of this, I know I’m (more often than not) late with the political news. However, Rep. Todd Akin’s infamous words of the past week resonate with me.

As I’m sure you’ve all heard by now, this individual feels that “at the heart of liberalism is a hatred for God.”

Cue firestorm of outraged liberal media.

Cue religious leaders coming forward and denouncing the comments.

Cue liberal Americans standing proud as Christian citizens who love God.

Cue me, wondering where the hell I’d been for the past week.

Honestly, it’s a bunch of bullshit. If you love God, then love God. You’re love of Him will either define your political leanings or it won’t. I don’t personally believe that at the core of any ideology is a love for, or a hatred of, God.

What I do believe is that the average human being has their own established beliefs, ideas and leanings and that they use religion as a means of fueling those ideas. How many times in the history of the world has a religious text been twisted to suit the needs of one explosive group or another?

In the end, I try not to define myself as a conservative or a liberal.  I do, however, define myself as a person who believes that we help those in need.  That we aid the poor, feed the hungry, clothe the naked – essentially take care of those who cannot take care of themselves.  Take a gander at Matthews 25:31-46. I don’t take those words lightly. I don’t think they are there just because they look pretty in red.

For the most part, the people you accuse of hating God are the ones that are the most vocal about upholding the programs that ensure that our uninsured get medical aid, that our hungry get food, that our naked get clothed and that our rich don't continue to get rich off the backs of people that can't even afford to put enough gas in their cars to get to work. Hatred of God indeed.

I'm going to need you to man up and not take the pansy way out by saying you were referring to "ideology" and not people. If the average person is defined by their political ideology and you feel that liberalism is defined by a hatred of God, doesn't that mean that you believe that some liberals, on some level, hate God? Or, at the very least, that they are okay with adhering to a realm of thought that his defined by a hatred of God? (Which, let's just face it, is just as bad.)

Of course that's not what you meant! 

Rep. Akin – I know who I am. I know what God defines me and I know what political leanings define me. But, whether I’m conservative or liberal – I take offense to your assertions. Perhaps if you spent more time focusing on the core tenets of the Christian philosophy and less on the foundation of the liberal ideology – you’d be a better representative.

If you wanted to debate the fundamental differences between conservativism, liberalism, pansy-ism and backbone-ism - perhaps you should have become a professor of the political sciences. 

Oh, and if any of you were wondering: 

Conservative - adj. disposed to preserve existing conditions, institutions, etc., or to restore traditional ones and to limit change.

Liberal - adj. favorable to progress or reform, as in political or religious affairs.

I guess I'll be a liberal today. 

If only job hunting was like "The Most Dangerous Game...."

Two months later and the job search continues. 

I actually fell asleep while filling out an application today. It’s that bad.

I need a job. And not the way most American’s need a job.  I need a job the way a crack fiend needs to sell stolen copper pipes to support his habit.

Like Donald Trump needs to invest in a barber.

Like Michelle Obama needs to run for president.

Okay. I’m done.

In all seriousness – I desperately need money, and not just because I like the way it smells.  We make  money to spend money. I need a paycheck so that I can *know* that my portion of rent will be covered. That my half of groceries and utilities will be paid. 

I need to know that I can go back to school and not have to take out $12,000 in loans to cover tuition, fees, books and room and board. Besides, isn’t that how we got into this mess in the first place? Borrowing and borrowing because we could?

I know that there are millions of other American’s out there that are in my position. Waking up and dragging their lumpy asses to their computers to sit and stare at indeed/careerbuilder/jobs/snagajob/monster.com and send out resume after resume. I know I’m not the only one out there with 8 different resumes and 25 different cover letters on her hard drive.

There are countless others that get up and walk around, searching for “we’re hiring” signs, and walking into business after business requesting to speak to managers.

I know I’m not the only one that watches the employed thinking, “I could do that way better than her. Why does she have a job and not me?”

It really crumbs my toast.

I hope and I pray and I prope because that’s all I can do.

And I try not to worry too much about where I’ll be in two more months. It’s so damned hard though. I don’t want to regret going back to school because of a swirling eddy of debt.

I don’t want to regret not going back to school because I was too afraid to accrue said debt.

Ack. Back to job hunting I go.  

Shia LaBeouf's a screamer.

Trust me on this. I witnessed it first hand. Go see Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon if you don't believe me.

And, while I'm on the topic, this movie took my breath away. It's the first movie I've seen all summer that was amazingly shot and well written.  I was very impressed with the action choreography, the animation, the story. You will be too. I give it an A (an not just because I got to see LaBeouf's 'O' face.)

Go see it.

Immediately.

(Besides, you might be treated to a gorgeously edited preview of a mission that's apparently still impossible to complete.)

She's Baaaaaaack!

It's been about two months since I last posted here, and as I never officially let the blog go - I've decided to come back.  Below you'll find something I posted as a note, but just recently decided to make more widely available. Hopefully this marks the beginning of my return to le public blogosphere. 

As I lay here agonizing over what profession I want to choose for my life, it occurs to me that life would be vastly easier if nurses would simply put post-it notes with predetermined jobs on them on our foreheads when we’re born. But I guess that sounds too much like communism, so I here I sit, contemplating my existence and what it means to be a broke, black woman in 2011 who can’t even afford to shop at Victoria’s Secret semi-annual sale.

I constantly agonize over my decision to leave graduate school – which for a science major is as close to a “cushy” job as one will ever get straight out of college. Sure, $22,000 a year with health and dental sounds great (especially to the unemployed and uninsured), but when you find out that you spend 40 soul sucking hours in a dungeon missing everything but the second coming and the invention of zombies, and that your insurance DOES NOT COVER the cost of the zombie vaccine, you start to think that maybe homelessness isn’t as bad as it sounds.  Add to that the near absolute certainty that you’ll have to devote 10-15 more hours of your precious, precious time to training the undergraduate drones AND deduct 6-7 years from your already short life (when compared to vampires, werewolves and politicians) you come to the realization that life is too fucking short and $22,000 is not enough fucking money.

And, if you’re at all like me, you’ll pack up (most) your shit and leave, only to sit in a dark room all hours of the day placing application after application while waiting for the cicadas to come and carry you off to their baby making farm (get on your knees and thank the heavens if it’s not cicada season where you are).  Then, you’ll start to think that maybe leaving grad school wasn’t the most informed decision.

I’ve contemplated a job as a stripper - I mean, given it serious thought.  All the way to mimicking the dance moves I think a stripper might employ.  But, that job may not be the best for me – I sometimes find it hard to shower due to the sheer amount of naked skin involved.  I also chased my boyfriend (who has a cold) around the room with some Lysol spray last night – so one might suppose that I’ve got an issue with germs.

Yep, stripping is out.

So far, I’ve applied to be your local cable guy (testicles optional), delivery driver (car not included), pizza maker (mustache required), waitress, test-tubey drink girl (no, you can’t have the test tubes), administrative assistant/secretary/receptionist, animal lab tech (aka “will endure being pissed on by mice for pay” tech), call center phone person, pharmacy tech (because I loves the drugs), and the list goes on.

At this point – I’m ready to stand on the busiest corner in the city holding a sign that says – will drink gasoline and fart fire for money.

But, until Kinko’s finishes my sign, I’m still sending out applications to any place that’ll have me. I hunted down some local bakeries, citing my love of baking and my desire (but financial inability) to attend the local school of the culinary (pronounced kew-linary, say it with me now) arts. I’m hoping some kind soul will have pity and enough income to award me a part time job. 

In the meantime – this is part one of my semi-autobiographical story, tentatively entitled – “Drinking Gasoline and Farting Fire: or, how I survived my escape from graduate school.”